You Don’t Get What You Deserve. You Get What You Negotiate.

“Show me the money” is more than a pop culture catchphrase—it’s a rallying cry for anyone who’s ever been underpaid, overlooked, or undervalued. During our recent Essence of Ujima leadership session on negotiation and influence, we saw just how common this reality is—especially for Black women navigating workplaces where power is often unequally distributed.

One participant said it best:

Let’s be real: Negotiation is uncomfortable. It’s not just about asking for more—it’s about stepping into a space where you're claiming your worth in environments that often tell you to shrink.

And yet, here’s the truth we’re leaning into:

💬 You don’t get what you deserve—you get what you negotiate.

So how do we get better at this?

We center ourselves in the 3 P’s of Negotiation: Power, Persuasion, and Preparation.

💥 Pain Point: “I Struggle With Confidence.”

This came up again and again. Many of us have been conditioned to accept rather than advocate. Some shared stories of accepting job offers that paid significantly below market value because we didn’t know what to ask for—or we were afraid to ask.

Others shared experiences from unionized or civil service roles where negotiation wasn’t even an option, and now stepping into a leadership position feels like entering unfamiliar territory.

But here’s the mindset shift:

 
🔑 The 3 P’s of Negotiation – Reframed

1️⃣ Power – Know Your Worth & Leverage Your Story

Power is not about dominance—it’s about clarity.

What makes you the unicorn in the room? Your skills, your unique intersection of experience, and the problems you solve are your leverage.

Ask yourself:

• What do I bring that no one else does?

• How do my lived and professional experiences intersect?

• How many people have done what I’ve done?

2️⃣ Persuasion – Frame the Ask Around Mutual Benefit

People are wired to ask: “What’s in it for me?”

So, instead of just saying “I deserve more,” reframe your ask to highlight what the other party gains when you get what you need.

For example:

“I increased program participation by 40%, bringing in new funding and deepening community partnerships. An investment in me is an investment in scaling those results.”

3️⃣ Preparation – Win-Win Starts Before You Walk In

Negotiation is not a solo sport—it’s a strategy.

Know your non-negotiables and your compromise list before the conversation starts. Walk in clear, grounded, and ready.

Preparation means:

• Having a clear bottom line and ideal offer.

• Knowing your leverage and their likely objections.

• Practicing your pitch out loud (yes, even in the mirror!).

🔄 Final Thought: Let’s Normalize Strategic Advocacy

One of our facilitators said it powerfully:

“Women—especially Black women—are already masterful negotiators. We do it with our kids, our families, our lives. What we need now is to make that power intentional, practiced, and professional.”

So here’s your challenge:

Let’s continue to unlearn scarcity, step into abundance, and negotiate like the leaders we are becoming.